Modesty Culture is a large part of Purity Culture, which I will write more in-depth about in an upcoming series. I wanted to talk about modesty in its own post since it is stressed so often within the Evangelical/conservative Christian Church and since I dealt with the concept many times as I was growing up.
Things to note:
I am biologically female and identify as a woman, two aspects of me that strongly inform this piece, given that modesty is mainly pushed onto females and young girls through the lens of heteronormative conservative Christianity. Obviously my personal experience may not be the same as or even that similar to yours, but the stigma and religious notions surrounding the idea of modesty have nonetheless affected me and others in negative ways and I want to discuss them.
I am biologically female and identify as a woman, two aspects of me that strongly inform this piece, given that modesty is mainly pushed onto females and young girls through the lens of heteronormative conservative Christianity. Obviously my personal experience may not be the same as or even that similar to yours, but the stigma and religious notions surrounding the idea of modesty have nonetheless affected me and others in negative ways and I want to discuss them.
What is the concept of "modesty?"
In my experience as well as that of many others who grew up in purity culture/Evangelical Christianity, modesty is a gendered notion that mainly applies to females and the ways in which they wear their clothing. Religious modesty culture stresses covering up with clothing to "honor" god and "respect" ourselves as god's creation. We can see examples of this in not only the various sects and denominations of Christianity but other world religions as well.
Some...
These are just a few examples.
Covering up within the context of religion can be seen as humbling oneself before god. I have observed many people complaining particularly about Islamic modesty while refusing to see that plenty of other religions (including the one they subscribe to) involve covering up to much of the same degree. The goals in the religious context are the same: honor god/respect god and oneself before god.
The full meaning of modesty goes beyond the way we dress, however. Here are several definitions I found:
Merriam-Webster - (1) the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities; (2) propriety in dress, speech, or conduct.
Wikipedia - sometimes known as demureness, is a mode of dress and deportment which intends to avoid the encouraging of sexual attraction in others. The word "modesty" comes from the Latin word modestus which means "keeping within measure."
dictionary.com - the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.; regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; simplicity, moderation.
In my experience growing up in an Assembly of God church (Pentecostal, but not the kind in which women must wear skirts,) modesty was mainly about clothing and was taught as a rule/guideline that specifically girls and women needed to follow in order to be considered "good" Christians by the rest of the church and society. Modesty was a way for us to set ourselves apart from the "worldliness" and sinfulness of those who dressed in more "revealing" outfits. It involved refraining from profane language to some degree, but covering our bodies was stressed more often.
I was also taught that I was respecting god and "the House of God" when I wore a dress or skirt to every church service (Sunday morning and night, Wednesday night.) In my teenage years, I decided to start wearing jeans to church at night. I thought surely god doesn't care that I'm not wearing a dress as long as I'm there at all. Sometimes I wore skinny jeans and sometimes I wore jeans that had rips in or above the knees. A member of the congregation said directly to my face when they were shaking my hand that they never thought they'd see me wearing pants at church. Was this their way of trying to tell me I was disrespecting god in god's own house? I don't know and don't really care now. A couple to a few years later, more women and girls in the congregation started wearing pants after all. Wearing a skirt to church does not mean you love god more than those who do not wear one, or that god favors you more than them.
Some...
- ...Pentecostal women wear long skirts and refrain from wearing makeup.
- ...Catholic women and nuns wear veil-like head coverings.
- ...Muslim women wear various stages of dress, including hijab, niqab, and burqa.
- ...Latter-Day Saints, including men, wear clothing that completely covers their shoulders, stomach, backside, and chest, as well as temple garments underneath their regular clothing.
- ...Jewish women wear headscarves, and sometimes cover from head-to-toe.
- ...Methodist women wear their hemlines below the knee.
- ...Amish and Mennonite women wear plain, loose dresses and bonnets.
- ...Buddhist nuns wear long, long-sleeved robes.
These are just a few examples.
Covering up within the context of religion can be seen as humbling oneself before god. I have observed many people complaining particularly about Islamic modesty while refusing to see that plenty of other religions (including the one they subscribe to) involve covering up to much of the same degree. The goals in the religious context are the same: honor god/respect god and oneself before god.
The full meaning of modesty goes beyond the way we dress, however. Here are several definitions I found:
Merriam-Webster - (1) the quality of not being too proud or confident about yourself or your abilities; (2) propriety in dress, speech, or conduct.
Wikipedia - sometimes known as demureness, is a mode of dress and deportment which intends to avoid the encouraging of sexual attraction in others. The word "modesty" comes from the Latin word modestus which means "keeping within measure."
dictionary.com - the quality of being modest; freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.; regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.; simplicity, moderation.
In my experience growing up in an Assembly of God church (Pentecostal, but not the kind in which women must wear skirts,) modesty was mainly about clothing and was taught as a rule/guideline that specifically girls and women needed to follow in order to be considered "good" Christians by the rest of the church and society. Modesty was a way for us to set ourselves apart from the "worldliness" and sinfulness of those who dressed in more "revealing" outfits. It involved refraining from profane language to some degree, but covering our bodies was stressed more often.
I was also taught that I was respecting god and "the House of God" when I wore a dress or skirt to every church service (Sunday morning and night, Wednesday night.) In my teenage years, I decided to start wearing jeans to church at night. I thought surely god doesn't care that I'm not wearing a dress as long as I'm there at all. Sometimes I wore skinny jeans and sometimes I wore jeans that had rips in or above the knees. A member of the congregation said directly to my face when they were shaking my hand that they never thought they'd see me wearing pants at church. Was this their way of trying to tell me I was disrespecting god in god's own house? I don't know and don't really care now. A couple to a few years later, more women and girls in the congregation started wearing pants after all. Wearing a skirt to church does not mean you love god more than those who do not wear one, or that god favors you more than them.
Why the modesty craze, particularly within the Evangelical Christian worldview, is harmful
"Modest is hottest." "If you dress like a slut, you'll be treated like a slut." "Teach your daughters to dress modestly." "Don't ask for it." "Don't cause your brothers in Christ to stumble."
Notice how most of these quotes are directed toward females and put all blame and responsibility on them. In all my 22 years (I'm 24 now) in church, I never ONCE heard anyone telling boys they needed to cover their bodies in order to respect themselves and others, or to please god. Why is that? Are males exempt from these supposed "biblical" teachings? Why is it MY responsibility that HE doesn't "stumble?" Is his salvation not his own just as my salvation is mine and mine alone?
Notice how most of these quotes are directed toward females and put all blame and responsibility on them. In all my 22 years (I'm 24 now) in church, I never ONCE heard anyone telling boys they needed to cover their bodies in order to respect themselves and others, or to please god. Why is that? Are males exempt from these supposed "biblical" teachings? Why is it MY responsibility that HE doesn't "stumble?" Is his salvation not his own just as my salvation is mine and mine alone?
1. Men are not "more visual" or "more sexual" than women
It's a myth! A lie they tell us to put us in our place, ladies! The concept of males being visual and sexual while females are emotional and less sexual is a false binary. Experts in the fields of psychology and sexuality have already debunked this myth many times. Sexually, there is little difference between males and females and each sex feels both sexual and emotional at various times throughout their lives and relationships. Women have just as much sexual desire and attraction as men do.
I am not any less sexual or visual than any male I've encountered. I notice what I am attracted to sexually, therefore I am visual. This false binary is harmful to both girls and boys because it places responsibility on young females to cover up so their "brother doesn't stumble" and reinforces the ridiculous notion that males can't show emotion. Telling females that they aren't visual or sexual is a form of oppression in addition to a lie. Humans are naturally sexual, visual, and emotional beings. These things cross sex and gender boundaries, applying to all of us. Sexuality is a necessary part of human life for many (except some asexual people, of course.)
I am not any less sexual or visual than any male I've encountered. I notice what I am attracted to sexually, therefore I am visual. This false binary is harmful to both girls and boys because it places responsibility on young females to cover up so their "brother doesn't stumble" and reinforces the ridiculous notion that males can't show emotion. Telling females that they aren't visual or sexual is a form of oppression in addition to a lie. Humans are naturally sexual, visual, and emotional beings. These things cross sex and gender boundaries, applying to all of us. Sexuality is a necessary part of human life for many (except some asexual people, of course.)
2. The early sexualization of young children
From quite young ages, female children are told things such as, "Don't wear that when your uncle comes over," "You need to cover up your chest/stomach/thighs/butt," "Don't ask for it," "Don't distract boys from school." Sexualization is sexual objectification and occurs when sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon someone and their value comes only from their perceived sexual behaviors or sexual appeal.
To tell a girl not to wear short shorts when a male family member is coming over suggests that you don't think that family member is safe to be around because they might sexually objectify your child. Instead of making your child, who is not yet a sexual being and does not even know what it means, change clothing, you need to ask yourself why you are sexualizing your own child and why you are allowing a potentially dangerous individual to be around them to begin with.
Telling young females they need to cover certain parts of their bodies is also sexual objectification. By doing so, you are telling them that these parts--the chest, stomach, thighs, butt, etc.--are inherently sexual body parts when they are not.
When I hear people saying that little girls shouldn't be wearing certain outfits or performing dances/cheer routines because they're "too sexy" or "immodest," I always want to ask them why they are looking at a child in that way. It's gross that people try to sexualize children all the time when children are unaware of the entire concept of sexuality to begin with. Let children be children and stop telling them that their bodies are inappropriate when you are the one being inappropriate.
To tell a girl not to wear short shorts when a male family member is coming over suggests that you don't think that family member is safe to be around because they might sexually objectify your child. Instead of making your child, who is not yet a sexual being and does not even know what it means, change clothing, you need to ask yourself why you are sexualizing your own child and why you are allowing a potentially dangerous individual to be around them to begin with.
Telling young females they need to cover certain parts of their bodies is also sexual objectification. By doing so, you are telling them that these parts--the chest, stomach, thighs, butt, etc.--are inherently sexual body parts when they are not.
When I hear people saying that little girls shouldn't be wearing certain outfits or performing dances/cheer routines because they're "too sexy" or "immodest," I always want to ask them why they are looking at a child in that way. It's gross that people try to sexualize children all the time when children are unaware of the entire concept of sexuality to begin with. Let children be children and stop telling them that their bodies are inappropriate when you are the one being inappropriate.
3. Body-shaming and the lack of body-positivity/self-love
Even before puberty, modesty culture tells young females they "need" to cover up, but it especially does during and after puberty. Your this or that is too big or too noticeable so you need to cover it up. This again is a reinforcement of early sexualization. It also perpetuates body-shaming and low self-esteem by telling females that something is wrong with the way their body was designed. Looking at this through a Christian lens, we should not be body-shaming at all since we supposedly believe that a creator god made every single person in the god's image. We were all created with radical love and are radically loved by the creator for who we are, right? This thought process would lead to body-shaming being a "sin," so why is it okay in Christian modesty culture?
Body-shaming has many other negative impacts, including disordered eating, self-hate, and self-harm. Instead of implying that something is wrong with the natural bodies of young females, we should be empowering them to love themselves and every part of themselves that was formed so perfectly and uniquely. Their "this or that" is not "too" big or noticeable; it's exactly how god (or the universe) intended and should be celebrated as beautiful.
Body-shaming has many other negative impacts, including disordered eating, self-hate, and self-harm. Instead of implying that something is wrong with the natural bodies of young females, we should be empowering them to love themselves and every part of themselves that was formed so perfectly and uniquely. Their "this or that" is not "too" big or noticeable; it's exactly how god (or the universe) intended and should be celebrated as beautiful.
4. It is an excuse to say "boys/men can't help it;" "men are visual, wild, sex-crazed animals"
Telling females and males that males just can't help but ogle at female body parts is extremely insulting and demeaning to everyone involved. You are literally telling boys that they have an inherent lack of self-control, which is false on all accounts. Self-control is a taught behavior, not an inherent one. I feel like if we didn't tell boys that they "can't help it" from such a young age that they would grow up being more respectful of women and boundaries, because YES THEY CAN HELP IT. Don't plant a negative seed and there won't be a rotten fruit.
This abusive and harmful rhetoric says that visual stimulation is FOR males, like it belongs to them. Our bodies and the ways they look belong to them. This is where the phrase "don't cause your brothers in Christ to stumble" stems from. Our bodies are only here to be pleasing to males and we must cover them up so the males don't get distracted from school, church, work, god, life, etc. Meanwhile, there is no mention of "hey boys, maybe don't look," although there is a verse in the Bible in which Jesus tells us to pluck out our eyes if they cause us to sin. It's conveniently left out of the Christian modesty conversation, or at least it was when I was growing up. He implies quite plainly that it is the sinner's responsibility not to sin. Therefore, it is a male's responsibility and his responsibility only to ensure that he himself is honoring god.
In addition, if men are "unable" to control themselves and their actions, why in the world are they put in positions of power, particularly within the church? Don't we need leaders who are more stable and mature? Don't we need examples of "good" Christians for the rest of the church to look up to? If we have someone in control who is actually unable to control themselves, well, that just doesn't make much sense, does it? The statement "he can't/couldn't help it" has been used time and time again throughout history to excuse all kinds of evil behavior, and it is categorically false.
Luke Harms wrote for the nonprofit Christians for Biblical Equality: "Shifting the responsibility to women simply enables men to think and act like sexual predators, rather than demand that they do the hard work of being transformed by the renewing of their minds (Rom. 12:2). Men, we shouldn’t be saying, 'Her skinny jeans and V-neck are making me lust.' No, you’re lusting because your God-given capacity for sexual attraction has morphed into a distorted view of women as objects that you need to control." He says that the church essentially ignores the behavior of men while trying to control women, which is part of rape culture. "It’s the same culture that sees women’s bodies as objects to be controlled as means to men’s ends. In the end, it’s about control. It’s about maintaining male privilege and perpetuating patriarchy."
This abusive and harmful rhetoric says that visual stimulation is FOR males, like it belongs to them. Our bodies and the ways they look belong to them. This is where the phrase "don't cause your brothers in Christ to stumble" stems from. Our bodies are only here to be pleasing to males and we must cover them up so the males don't get distracted from school, church, work, god, life, etc. Meanwhile, there is no mention of "hey boys, maybe don't look," although there is a verse in the Bible in which Jesus tells us to pluck out our eyes if they cause us to sin. It's conveniently left out of the Christian modesty conversation, or at least it was when I was growing up. He implies quite plainly that it is the sinner's responsibility not to sin. Therefore, it is a male's responsibility and his responsibility only to ensure that he himself is honoring god.
In addition, if men are "unable" to control themselves and their actions, why in the world are they put in positions of power, particularly within the church? Don't we need leaders who are more stable and mature? Don't we need examples of "good" Christians for the rest of the church to look up to? If we have someone in control who is actually unable to control themselves, well, that just doesn't make much sense, does it? The statement "he can't/couldn't help it" has been used time and time again throughout history to excuse all kinds of evil behavior, and it is categorically false.
Luke Harms wrote for the nonprofit Christians for Biblical Equality: "Shifting the responsibility to women simply enables men to think and act like sexual predators, rather than demand that they do the hard work of being transformed by the renewing of their minds (Rom. 12:2). Men, we shouldn’t be saying, 'Her skinny jeans and V-neck are making me lust.' No, you’re lusting because your God-given capacity for sexual attraction has morphed into a distorted view of women as objects that you need to control." He says that the church essentially ignores the behavior of men while trying to control women, which is part of rape culture. "It’s the same culture that sees women’s bodies as objects to be controlled as means to men’s ends. In the end, it’s about control. It’s about maintaining male privilege and perpetuating patriarchy."
5. Christian modesty culture is a toxic theology that posits our bodies belong to our husbands
In this post I am talking a lot about what young, unmarried females are told, but I also want to touch on modesty culture after marriage. We are taught that our bodies must be reserved for our future spouse before we even know who that person is, or if we will even have a spouse at all. No one else is supposed to see our body or interact with our body in a sexual way except "the one" person we marry. I guess divorce is where an exception lies.
There is a lot of discussion surrounding dignity, honor, and respect, as if we deserve none of these things if we do not dress according to how we are told. Covering up the female body is seen as a sign of respect, and not only to god. Being "pure" in dress is somehow showing respect for our future spouse (and spouse upon marriage) and ourselves because he is the only person who is supposed to see our body and "no Christian man wants a girl who has no respect for him or for herself."
Human beings deserve respect, full stop. It doesn't matter who you are, what you're wearing, what you've done, or what you've said; you deserve a level of respect that is equal to everyone else. Again, from a Christian perspective, you were created and we must fully and unconditionally respect creation. This theology that we must cover up for our husbands is toxic because it is telling us that our OWN bodies do not even belong to us, but to our husbands or to some guy that many of us have not even met yet. We must preserve his sexual purity and preserve our own dignity.
My body belongs to no one but me and your body belongs to no one but you. It is wrong to state otherwise.
There is a lot of discussion surrounding dignity, honor, and respect, as if we deserve none of these things if we do not dress according to how we are told. Covering up the female body is seen as a sign of respect, and not only to god. Being "pure" in dress is somehow showing respect for our future spouse (and spouse upon marriage) and ourselves because he is the only person who is supposed to see our body and "no Christian man wants a girl who has no respect for him or for herself."
Human beings deserve respect, full stop. It doesn't matter who you are, what you're wearing, what you've done, or what you've said; you deserve a level of respect that is equal to everyone else. Again, from a Christian perspective, you were created and we must fully and unconditionally respect creation. This theology that we must cover up for our husbands is toxic because it is telling us that our OWN bodies do not even belong to us, but to our husbands or to some guy that many of us have not even met yet. We must preserve his sexual purity and preserve our own dignity.
My body belongs to no one but me and your body belongs to no one but you. It is wrong to state otherwise.
I keep thinking about the term revealing in regard to clothing. Modesty culture says that revealing clothes are those that show certain parts of your body that "need" to be hidden so they are not a distraction. However, what if we are revealing something else?
Only you can decide what you are revealing about yourself to others. Perhaps I wear shorter shorts to reveal that I love my legs and feel confidence in them. Maybe me revealing parts of my body has more to do with the temperatures outside than other reasons. Or maybe I am revealing my bodily autonomy, my control over my own life and body. If my confidence is distracting to you, all you have to do is look away.
I refuse to be forced to carry the burden of making sure a male doesn't "commit a sexual sin." That is not, never was, and never will be anyone's responsibility but HIS.
My faith no longer has any room for shame-based theology. My current faith is body-positive as well as inclusive. There is zero room for me to apply my morality or my worth to my body.
Clothes do not determine your value as a human being! Your body is not evil!
Some other points to think about, though I did not go in depth about them:
It is no one's responsibility to keep someone else's lustful thoughts in check, and your body is NOT a distraction. Your worth as a respectable human being is INHERENT and is not informed by your clothing or the ways in which you present yourself physically. If you want to cover up, that's great, but only do it because you want to and not because you feel obligated or because someone told you that you have to.
Your body is GOOD. You are LOVED. Your body is not shameful. You are WORTHY.
Only you can decide what you are revealing about yourself to others. Perhaps I wear shorter shorts to reveal that I love my legs and feel confidence in them. Maybe me revealing parts of my body has more to do with the temperatures outside than other reasons. Or maybe I am revealing my bodily autonomy, my control over my own life and body. If my confidence is distracting to you, all you have to do is look away.
I refuse to be forced to carry the burden of making sure a male doesn't "commit a sexual sin." That is not, never was, and never will be anyone's responsibility but HIS.
My faith no longer has any room for shame-based theology. My current faith is body-positive as well as inclusive. There is zero room for me to apply my morality or my worth to my body.
Clothes do not determine your value as a human being! Your body is not evil!
Some other points to think about, though I did not go in depth about them:
- Adam & Eve were originally naked
- We are born naked
- Nakedness is not inherently sexual although we make it out to be
- Sexist double standards and dress codes
- The male nipple is not seen as sexual while the female nipple is
- Dressing modestly does not stop sexual assault from happening
- Heterosexual males will continue to be sexually attracted to females and female body parts no matter what they are wearing
It is no one's responsibility to keep someone else's lustful thoughts in check, and your body is NOT a distraction. Your worth as a respectable human being is INHERENT and is not informed by your clothing or the ways in which you present yourself physically. If you want to cover up, that's great, but only do it because you want to and not because you feel obligated or because someone told you that you have to.
Your body is GOOD. You are LOVED. Your body is not shameful. You are WORTHY.